Well about two years ago I said to God that I needed to rest that I wasn't able to go through stuff like that which had happened anymore. Well his sweet response was that He would not give me too much to handle and that he would take care of me. I agreed and left it at that.
Fast forward and I find myself at a completely different place in my life. A place of rest and ease. A place of blessing and provision and happiness. Life is good. My twenties are over. I'm ready for the next decade.
Well fast forward another couple of months and find me biking to work feeling this nudge, this quiet knowing but to speak out the words would mean to mean then and obedience the consequence. It would cost me something. I wrestled with it for a couple of days knowing I would have to say them, "God, I'm ready again. I want to be stretched. I want to grow. Whatever it is ministry, love and relationship or basically anything in my life."
My three words for 2015 were risk, endurance and change. These words sound a little dangerous and bring with them growth, waiting, letting go and trusting.
In January I bought an apartment which in itself probably isn't even a big thing for some people but you see I am single and to tackle this whole ordeal by myself involved a huge risk and believe me I'm not good with numbers. It also brought with it a whole lot of change.
The whole process shone a light on my singleness like nothing ever has before. Don't get me wrong I am ok with that fact (mostly) but being confronted with it constantly was frustrating.
But in the whole process I am learning to be thankful, to trust, to relearn the value of family and friendship and depending on other people for help is actually ok and I am blessed with amazing family and friends. In moments of loneliness God keeps showing me who my people are and he is teaching me gratefulness. I would love to say come over to my place it's cozy and done but truthfully it is still work in progress and many areas are still uncomfortable but the process is still teaching me to endure and embrace change.
I think it is a good thing because we're not created to stand still but to be made into beautiful vessels by God and I believe God has a purpose with the apartment. I for one cannot wait to for the people coming in an out being hosted. The moments with tea, with dinner, with popcorn. The parties, the quiet times.
So, God, thank you for growth and stretching and enlarging my tents to love more people into your kingdom.